Week of Monday, November 2 ­– Saturday, November 7
Tell Her She’s Beautiful—Man as an Instructor

Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves. Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful. Our couch is green; the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are pine.—Song of Songs 1:15-17 (ESV)

Is it just me, or have you noticed that we men aren’t known for verbalizing our innermost thoughts and feelings? Have you noticed how reluctant we are to offer compliments or praise to the people around us and especially within our families? That’s not how we tend to think a “man’s man” should act. Unless a guy is the front man in a band singing love songs, culture has taught us that it is somehow not very “manly” to express yourself so personally and vulnerably. But biblical masculinity teaches us a different way.

Solomon loved his wife, and he wasn’t afraid to tell her in terms some might find pretty direct and blunt as you read through the book. In the Song of Songs, we see him praising her over and over again, going over every aspect of her person in intimate detail. (And it is detailed—read it, bro.) While most of us are not natural poets who can spout such flowery language, we can—and should—speak words that make our wives feel special. And when she feels special it enhances your marriage in every way. (And I do mean EVERY WAY!)

Words matter, especially in a marriage relationship.  Mutual admiration and desire for each other should be expressed clearly and often. Solomon told his wife she was beautiful (v. 15). Solomon’s wife told him he was handsome and that she appreciated his desire to provide a steady and secure home for them (v. 16-17). The word “our” is used three times in verse 16 alone. Words of affirmation and appreciation are like bricks and mortar that build a strong bond between you. Honestly, there is nothing particularly exceptional about the words said here, but there is something exceptional about the delight this couple took in each other.

Bottom Line: Telling your wife how you feel about her is a choice, guys. Every day we make decisions to praise or to not praise, to compliment or to keep on going without comment. Have you ever thought of something encouraging to say but then held it to yourself? If we delight in someone or something, we should say so. Taking the time to speak our joy makes our joy complete. That’s why you will never find a grandfather who is unwilling to go on and on about his grandchild!  Consequently, we should never hide our love for our wife by refusing to express it. Men, look for an opportunity to tell your wife she is beautiful. (I tell my wife how much I appreciate different aspects of her anatomy frequently. Even though she responds by saying “And you have a good imagination,” she is still delighted to hear compliments from me.)

  • Jot down a few things you appreciate about your wife. If you’re not married, jot down a few things you appreciate about a loved one or another family member. Then look for an opportunity to verbally express those things.
  • Are you a person who easily speaks kind words to others? If not, why do you think this is difficult for you?

Read Proverbs 16:24; 18:21; 25:11. How would applying the wisdom in these proverbs impact your marriage? Your other relationships?